Saving Scarlett Page 4

  I helped her out and held my hand at the small of her back as we stepped inside, the scent of beer and sizzling burgers hitting us hard.

  The place was decently crowded, but not bad. My eyes automatically scoured the joint for any sign of danger. I stayed close as the hostess led us to a booth in a back corner.

  I sat with a view of the bar and the door, my brain already working out an exit strategy if we needed one. I also had my concealed carry permit and my Glock tucked in my coat. Once a Marine, always a Marine, and I’d learned my lesson pinned down in that casino.

  “So . . .” I glanced at Scarlett, who was perusing the menu. “What looks good?”

  She set it down, her expression suddenly unsure. “I’ll just get a skinny margarita.”

  “A . . . what? Is that even a thing?”

  She pushed her menu across the table and pointed at the low-calorie section. “Yes, smartass, it’s a thing.”

  I frowned up at her. “Why not just have a regular margarita?”

  “Because Todd always said—” She slammed her mouth shut, her expression mortified.

  I gently pushed the menu back. “Todd always said what?”

  She shook her head vehemently. “Nothing. Never mind. That just popped out. I’m sorry.”

  “I told you never to apologize.” I glanced up when our waitress approached. “We’ll take two regular margaritas—” I turned back to Scarlett. “Salt?” She shook her head. “On the rocks. No salt. And some chips and salsa, please.”

  “Anything else?”

  I looked askance at Scarlett, but she shook her head again. “No, thank you.” Once the waitress was gone, I reached over and cupped the back of Scarlett’s clenched hand. “What did Todd say to get you wound up this tight?”

  I cursed the fat tears that filled her eyes. “It doesn’t matter,” she whispered.

  “It does if it still makes you cry.”

  “He’s gone. It shouldn’t matter.” She dabbed her tears with her free hand, but let me hold her other one, making me warm in my chest.

  “It matters to me. Tell me.”

  Deep hazel eyes, so dark with emotion, they looked almost brown, lasered mine. “He said I got fat after I had the boys. He wanted me to lose weight, so he watched what I ate and drank. He weighed me every week, watched the size of my clothes, monitored the food in the house so I wouldn’t cheat. Is that what you wanted to hear?”

  I sat back, stunned. “No. I . . .” I dropped my head and caressed the back of her hand with my thumb, unable to help myself, her skin was so soft. “He should never have done those things to you.”

  She waited until I looked back up to ask, almost in a dare. “Why not?”

  “Because it’s bullshit, Scarlett. Surely, you know that. Surely, you know how beautiful you are. How beautiful you’ve always been. And he was a goddamned idiot if he couldn’t see that.”

  I released her hand when the waitress returned with our drinks and chips and let the conversation go. I had some idea of Todd’s treatment after talking to Joanna, but I was getting my first glimpse of it through Scarlett’s eyes, and it was more painful than I cared to admit.

  How could my best friend, the guy I’d known all those years and called a brother, been like that and I’d never seen the signs?

  More importantly, what was I going to do now that I knew? What could I do?

  “So, how’s your shoulder therapy coming along?” she asked after a few sips, obviously ready to let the conversation die. “Is Joanna being a task master?”

  “She is, but I appreciate it. It’s getting me in shape quickly so I can get back to my team, hopefully sometime after New Year’s if I’m lucky.”

  Her gaze turned thoughtful. “It was a bad injury?”

  “It was.”

  “You were shot? I never got the details.”

  “Yes. It was a shootout with a drug cartel we’ve been tracking. The team is on their tail as we speak.”

  “And you’re stuck here. With us.” She must’ve seen the longing on my face.

  “It’s not so bad.” I munched a chip.

  “Still. I’m sure you’d rather be with your team.”

  I shrugged. Being with her wasn’t so bad. Not at all.

  She smiled in return and I shifted the conversation to high school memories and got her loosened up and laughing. I don’t even think she noticed that we finished our drinks and I ordered us another round.

  Fuck Todd for ever making her feel bad about herself. She was perfect just the way she was, and as the tequila hit my system hard and heavy, I found myself wanting nothing more than to kiss those pretty pink lips.

  The band kicked into a slow song that I remembered from our high school days. On instinct, I rose and held out my hand. “Dance with me.”

  Wide eyes lifted to meet mine.

  I thanked my lucky stars that she didn’t question it or hesitate. Instead, she slid her warm palm into mine and stood, interlacing our fingers to follow me to the dance floor.

  I felt her soft intake of breath as I tucked her close to my chest, her nose pressed right into my neck. I didn’t bother with any casual, friendly dance holds. Nope. I pulled her in like we were lovers and held her like I’d been dreaming of for weeks. Probably years. I let the alcohol take me away, not too far, but far enough, as I enjoyed the ripeness of her curves, the sweetness of her scent.

  She clutched the back of my jacket in her fist. “Johnny.” The one word whispered across the flesh of my throat, making me ache for all we could have been. All I’d been too frightened to fight for back when I was a young, dumb kid.

  But I was a man now.

  I wasn’t scared of anything anymore.

  I cupped her chin with care and tipped her face up. Our eyes met as the melody floated around us like a blanket. Something shifted between us. Subtle, but momentous.

  I searched her gaze for a hint of what she might want from me. What she felt. For a flicker of fear. Of longing. Anything to point me in the right direction and wipe away the last vestiges of confusion I might be feeling about her being my best friend’s wife. He was gone now, she was free, and I was just coming to grips with the fact he’d never deserved her in the first place.

  But did I?

  She answered that question for me by sliding her hand up to cup the back of my neck as she tilted her head back in a clear invitation to be kissed.

  Well, I was not about to let either of us down.

  I gripped her hip and bent to brush my mouth across hers oh, so gently. Once. Twice. Three times. Her moan floated to my ears as I licked the seam of her lips with the tip of my tongue. She opened to me willingly, so I slid in and tasted warm woman and cool margarita.

  The kiss was brief but electrifying. I sucked in a deep breath and pulled back to rest my forehead against hers.

  We’d stopped swaying to the music, lost in our own little bubble of intimacy in the corner of the dance floor.

  “What was that?” she whispered, her grip on me never loosening.

  I couldn’t help my half smile. “If you have to ask, I didn’t do it right.”

  She tipped her head up, her eyes dazed. “You know what I mean, Johnny. What are we doing?”

  I brushed a strand of honey hair back from her throat, letting my fingertips linger near her pulse, watching it jump under my touch. “I’m not sure.” I lifted my gaze to hers. “What do you want to do?”

  “What do I want? I wasn’t even sure we were friends anymore, much less friends who kissed. My head is spinning, and I don’t think it’s just the margarita.”

  I couldn’t help it and I pressed another kiss to her temple. “My head is spinning, too, but probably for totally different reasons.” I drew back to look into her eyes and be honest for the first time in a long time. “I’ve been wanting to do that for I don’t know how long.”

  “You have?” She looked adorably confused.

  I brushed her lower lip with my thumb and began moving slowly as another song st
arted. “You have no idea.”

  “No. I didn’t.” She glanced away toward our table then back, swaying with me. “You sure this isn’t the drinks talking?”

  This made me laugh. “I’m sure. I guess I should’ve said something a long time ago, but I’ve been too busy feeling sorry for myself and convincing myself that I couldn’t compete with Todd’s place in your life.”

  She stiffened in my arms at my words. “So, what changed? Why now? Why tonight?”

  I drew her closer, taking in every detail of the way she melted into me, even when I could tell she wanted to resist. “Nothing. And everything.” I dipped my mouth close to her ear. “I just can’t hold back anymore. It would be a lie and you don’t deserve any more lies.”

  Her fingers reflexively tightened and loosened at my waist. “Is this because you feel sorry for me?”

  I pulled back, surprised. “Sorry for you? Why would I feel sorry for you?”

  “Because of what I told you about Todd.” She searched my eyes. “And the way I reacted earlier. In the kitchen.” It was then that I knew she knew her abuse was out in the open between us. She may not have spoken a word, but she didn’t have to. Her actions spoke loud enough.

  “Sweetheart, the last thing I feel is sorry for you.” I tugged her off the dance floor and back to our table, so we were away from the noise and crowds. “I have to admit, I had no idea about Todd until recently, but now that I have an idea of everything he put you and those boys through, all it makes me feel is extremely angry with him and extremely proud of you for being strong enough to survive it.” I cupped her hands in mine. “I’m just sorry I couldn’t save you from it. I’m so sorry, Scarlett.”

  Tears began to fall in earnest down her cheeks. “Oh, Johnny. Why couldn’t it have been you?”

  “What?” I leaned closer across the table.

  She bowed her head as the sobs escaped her and her shoulders shook. “Why couldn’t you have loved me back then? Why couldn’t we have made it work and gotten married and had those babies? Why did I have to live through that hell without you?”

  Heat bit the back of my eyes as I realized I’d wondered the same exact thing about a million times since the moment the truth had spilled from Joanna’s lips, and there wasn’t a single thing I could do about it now.

  Eight

  Scarlett

  I couldn’t believe those words came from my mouth. It had to be the alcohol.

  I reached for my purse. “I’m sorry, Johnny. I’m being stupid.”

  “No.” He was on his feet lightning fast, his hand on my arm. “You’re not stupid. I’ve been asking myself the same questions.”

  The truth in his eyes hit me like a mule kick to the chest. I sat back, winded.

  He took pity on me and tilted his head, instructing me to slide over in the booth. I did, and he sat next to me, filling my space with his sage and spice scent. “Look, Scarlett . . .” He dropped his head, his expression serious, nearly pained. “I have no idea what you’ve lived through. Not really.” He lifted his gaze and met my eyes. “But I have an idea, and I wish you would’ve gone to me or anybody for help, but I understand why you felt like you couldn’t with Todd being a police officer and who his daddy is and all.” I gripped her hand. “But I hope you know I would’ve protected you if you had. And I will protect you and those boys from now on. No matter what does or doesn’t happen between us, I will always take care of you, and it has nothing to do with pity.”

  I pinched my forehead. “I’m so confused right now.”

  “Why?”

  “Because. You’ve been avoiding me for weeks, and now this . . .? I can’t help but feel like it must be some kind of joke or alcohol-induced dream.”

  Irritation flared in his dark eyes. “I’ve been avoiding you because of all of this. Don’t you see, Scarlett? I didn’t want to trample on my best friend’s memory by having feelings for his wife.”

  “I still don’t understand . . . What’s really changed now?”

  “Now I know you deserve better than to be haunted by the ghost of his abuse. It may not be me, but you deserve better. You deserve everything good and beautiful in this world.”

  “Oh, God.” Overcome, I threw my arms around his neck and crushed my lips to his. He’d seduced me with his words, but he’d had my heart a long time ago, simply by being who he was. Johnny Ray was the best, most beautiful thing in the world as far as I could see in that moment.

  ~ ~

  We left dinner and I couldn’t help but feel like my entire world had shifted on its axis. If I could’ve chosen any boy back in high school, I would’ve chosen Johnny Ray. If I were being honest, if I could choose any man for myself, I think I’d still choose him. I just never thought I had that choice. Was he telling me there was a chance? What did he want? A one-night stand? To pass the time until he went back to California and rejoined his team? He was a healthy, red-blooded man, after all, and I hadn’t seen any women around the ranch in all the weeks he’d been home. Surely, he had needs.

  Was that what he was after? Could I do that?

  He seemed to read my tumultuous thoughts as we drove and shot me a quick glance, the streetlights dancing over his face. “You’re thinking awful hard over there. What’s wrong?”

  “Is all this sweet talk so I’ll sleep with you?” I blurted.

  He didn’t flinch, he didn’t frown. He barely took a breath as he slammed on the brakes and swerved the truck to the side of the road.

  I suddenly realized we were very much secluded out there on that dark stretch of highway with no other cars in sight, and a vivid flash of memory came to me of another night, another man, another road. I fought the instinct to cower as I remembered the burst of temper for something innocent I’d said. The violent yanking on chunks of hair. The closed fist to the temple. The vile words that still ricocheted in my mind even after all this time.

  Johnny threw the truck into park and shifted to face me. “Is that what you honestly think?”

  “I don’t know what to think.”

  He studied my posture for a long moment and his own instantly softened. “I don’t want you to be afraid of me.”

  “I’m not.” But I said it a little too quickly, and we both knew it. I averted my eyes. “It’s habit. It’ll take some time.”

  He nodded once, his gaze turning to the road. “Sadly, time is the one thing I don’t have a lot of.”

  My heart screeched to a halt and careened into my throat. “What do you mean?”

  He turned back to me. “I mean here. With you. I’ll be going back to California soon.”

  “Oh. Right. I knew that.”

  “But I’m willing to give you what time I do have.” He reached out and grabbed my hand. “If you want it, that is. As friends. As more than friends. Whatever you want. And no, I’m not aiming just to sleep with you, though I’d be a liar if I said the thought hadn’t crossed my mind about a million times. I’ll take whatever you’re willing to offer me at this point and be grateful for it.”

  “Friends?”

  His expression fell adorably. “If that’s what makes you happy.”

  “Or . . . more than friends?”

  He nodded. “The ball’s in your court, Scarlett. I’m at your mercy here, darlin’.”

  I bit my lip against a smile, my heart at war with my brain. I wanted to reach out and snatch what he offered so badly I could taste it along with his kisses, but I didn’t want my heart broken when he left again, much less my boys’. I traced the back of his work-roughened knuckles with my thumb. “Can I think about it?”

  “Of course. Take your time.” He flipped our hands until our fingers interlaced. “Maybe we can spend a little time getting to know each other again while you decide?”

  Butterflies began to zip through my belly at the low tone of his words, hinting at everything I could have if I’d just reach out and grab it. Still, I held back. “Okay.”

  “Okay.” He kissed my knuckles then released my hand to
drive on again.

  Back at the ranch, he helped me load up the boys into his truck because they insisted on driving with him, then he stuck around while I bathed them and put them to bed.

  Once it was finally quiet, I tried to pretend I wasn’t more than a little nervous being with him now after all of his revelations and kisses. Alone. In my house. With my bedroom just down the hall.

  I hovered by the hallway threshold while he strolled around my living area, taking in our family photographs and trinkets. He picked up a picture of Nathan on the back of his favorite horse, Nugget. “Do you enjoy living and working here on the ranch?” He glanced over, his eyes genuinely curious.

  “We love it here. Your parents have been wonderful to us.”

  He set the photo down. “That’s good.”

  I tucked my hands behind me and leaned against the wall. “After everything that happened, they offered me more than just a way to support myself. They gave me a purpose beyond just being a mother and Todd’s widow. They also gave me a sense of safety. Security. I owe them more than I could ever repay.”

  His gaze was dark and unreadable. “You should’ve always had that, Scarlett.”

  I didn’t know what to say to that, so I didn’t say anything. I simply watched him as he turned back to my wall of photos and smiled at one of me with the boys when they were much younger. “Well, for what it’s worth,” he said, touching my face behind the glass, “I happen to know my parents love having you all here. You’re doing an important job and are amazing at it from what I hear, and they enjoy having the boys around. They want grandkids so bad they can taste it.” He glanced over his shoulder with a smirk. “I have a hunch, if anything, they feel they owe you a debt.”

  I waved that off as nonsense. “So . . .”

  “So.” He pivoted and tucked his hands into his front jeans pockets.

  “I feel like I should say something . . . about earlier. Give you an answer or something.” I bit the side of my lip, suddenly warm and uncomfortable, those damn butterflies zipping through my chest again as he stared at me.